Thursday, August 5, 2010

No person and nothing really makes me laugh heartily...
coz.. I know ...
deep in heart ...
those laugh u all trying to make are just bullshit...
when there is a problem arise...
There is always no one there to help...
This what I meant by loneliness...

but this doesn't mean I will isolate myself...
I will still try to make the people around me laugh sometimes...
Will still try my best to help you all when u all have a problem...
those that really know me... u know how I behave as a friend..
never mention how I behave as a brother...
and by the way..
I really dislike those people that...
when they need u.. they made u feel like u r needed..
when they do not need u.. they just push u aside..
ignoring u...
ya.. u get what I m saying...
but all of this is fine with me...
coz... maybe I do treat people like that...
so.. when u don't want someone to treat u badly
u shall not treat people like that at the first place...


Ok.. enough said...
Never mind... this type of feeling..
to be honest.. I had had it for a very long time...
no matter where I am... no matter when ... no matter whom I am with..
there is always this loneliness creeps in...

maybe I shall blame it on my poor human human relationships...
I have no problem communicating with non-living things...
yea.. that is all..


=) Cheers...

I know I have to accept this forever... but never mind.. it is fine afterall... this is no big deal..
who doesn't feel lonely sometimes? =)

Sunday, August 1, 2010

sudden thought.... x)

Decided to reopen the blog... coz today is Canada's Civic Holiday... and I m "civilized" .. so I will open my blog again... hahaha..... and I may close it again .. some other time...
(Don't say I purposely closed my blog previously for this entry.. that is bullshit.. LOL...)


Ideas I realized today:

Emptiness of Emptiness... x) I love this thing.. so empty yet so full of meanings... hahaha
To me it is like a deep empty well of emptiness... so deep down...and once u jump down and start to be embraced by it..u actually feel that nothing is there for u to feel empty... and empty is there for u to feel nothing.. x) nature of reality... ( this is only my own perception... It doesn't mean it should be like that..)


U find less joy and less happiness and pain if u r loving only one person... maybe if u r lucky u love more than one person...lol...
but u will find great joy and happiness...less sorrow..less pain if u starting to love everyone .. everything... =D although if u do shit to me.. I will still like u from now on.. it is no point to hate anyone.. why would I have to dislike anything or anyone when there is like.. LoL ... (facebook only have like button...why doesn't it has a dislike button..? coz first to keep the harmony within community and second...ya..why should there be dislike when there is already like as the choice of urs?...u can choose to like or dun want to like.. just do not dislike) LOL
This is called great compassion... at least that is what I think it is called.. x)


Enlightened.. Hmm... Great eh.. I think it is just not great...not greater and non of the greatest... it is there in everyone..just a matter of whether u want it or not.. x)
Never be ignorant.. u know what I meant by ignorant don't you? coz everyone is being ignorant... LoL... ignoring what is wrong (never will get lesson from the wrong things u did)..worse..ignoring what is right ( never will be taught and be advised for good).. but what is wrong and what is right? Hmm...


When u start to accept everything...there is nothing for u to accept..
when u accept nothing... then there is everything for u to absorb...
Mind plays an important role...
again.. I will say it is not important...just a matter of whether u have the mind for it or not.. not brain ..it is mind.. x)


Dun get distracted or depressed or miserable or confused or ponder over what I said today...
This was everything that I learnt today...
When I came of thinking about it... I actually learnt nothing...
maybe tomorrow I may learn something..
the day after that I may learn nothing again..


so.. no one taught me everything... and everyone taught me nothing... or maybe it was everyone taught me everything.. and no one taught me nothing...
at the end.. I may have learnt nothing or everything... hahaha..... be careful.. what is nothing when u got an empty mind?
It has to be empty at the first place to be contained .. =)


U have to have nothing to have everything.... and yet.. u have to have everything to become having nothing...
U have to be empty to be full... and yet.. u have to be full to be empty again.. x)



Again... I already mind you... Dun get too distracted..too confused.. too wanting to ponder over what I wrote... Dun go to bed tonight still recalling what I wrote in the post today...
Do you know what is Sudden Realization?

It is like I m telling u a joke... u have to catch the laughing point at that instant to burst out laughing rite? if u didn't catch the laughing point.. no matter how hard I explain to you.. how hard u ponder over it... u still will not laugh..although if u did laugh.. still u will not enjoy it..
and this is what sudden realization meant... u have to leave it... stop thinking about it.. stop studying it.. then u will realize it out of a sudden... =D
But this doesn't mean u can leave it without reading it.. without studying it.. without pondering over it...

Let's take an easier example...
Let say.. u never taste a durian before.. u know durian?
Ok.. then ur south east asian friend who likes durian keeps on telling u how much he misses durian... how tasty .. how good durian is... he tells u everything about durian..
then...regardless whether u r interested.. if u r interested.. u went to find out what durian is... u google.. u went to find books...news...facts about durian... growth rate of durian...structure of durian till its atomic component... if u r no way near interested... then u may also heard before durian from other friends...other news..other websites..other sources..
so now u know damn lot about durian... u know everything about durian...
but still u know nothing of durian... u didn't get a real taste of durian...
then one day... one day.. out of a sudden..
u found durian selling at super market..
so u bought one and tried it urself..
and here... Tadaa... u know .. u realized the true .. real essence..taste of durian! LoL ..
all of this sudden realization of how durian taste like ...
now only u can choose to accept the durian or not.... x) for some people durian is unexpectedly tasty..and for some people.. it is just not nice... LoL



all of this is what we always called... "ZEN" (a simple word perhaps u took a glance at nowhere...heard from no one.. read from no other books...or a word u saw from somewhere..heard from everyone..read from some books...)
Sudden realization...


x) now have u catch the point?


***first part of my research paper? Hmm... interesting...?
Nah... things like this is just too smart for me... coz I m oversmarted (this word is nowhere to be found in dictionary)... xD






If u were to say that this post is simply brilliant.. I may take it as nothing but keep in mind.. I may take it as everything as well.. x)
If u say this is bullshit... I may also take it as nothing.. but keep in mind... what is nothing again?
LoL... dun confused nothing as empty.. x)






Keys off...
*Warning ...
Do not get confused... do not ponder over .. do not get miserable .. do not argue over this post...
Leave it... coz if u were to realize what I wrote... u will realized and fully understand it instantly when the time come if it was not just now..or if it is not now..or if it will not be next time.. x) so when the heck u will realized it? I had said... u will understand it suddenly... x) it could be just now...it can be now..and it can be next time.. hahaha.....
Anyway.. this is just my sudden realization at this second... the next second.. I may have another sudden realization.. x)


Ciao!
(shit.. I still haven't got any idea what to write for my research paper after writing this blog..)
FML --> For My Love in History....


And Oo.. ya.. people.. dun mistaken emptiness with nothingness... x)
just take a cup as an example...
how does the cup empty?
we often said a cup is empty when it does not contain liquid or solid rite?
but is the cup really empty?
consider air filling the cup...
if u said why don't we put the cup in vacuum?! O__O
then what about the light filling in the cup?
Oo.. vacuum + dark?
so what about the radiation in the cup? or spaces in the cup..?
the cup must has space inside rite?
LoL ....
actually... the cup is empty ..
because which part of it is the cup?
it is cylindrical? it is spherical? or any shape...
nah...other object that is not cup has those shapes too...
because of its function?
nope... glasses or vase can perform function as a cup too...
hahaha....
the cup is only a cup because of all the components that make it a cup...
if u break one of it...let say u break the cup into pieces..
is it a cup anymore?
LoL
the cup is only a cup dependent on all its external circumstances..
The cup is empty..but is cup is not nothing because the cup exists... x)

I think I wrote a post about something called a table with similar crap.. Hmm.. anyway.. it is interesting.. doesn't it? LoL ...

Saturday, July 24, 2010

心很乱

Why everything is not in its proper order?

Aargh... F***!!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

NO!! NOT HER AGAIN!!! WHY?!

An ultimate news I just saw on the university portal page..
Guess what?!
The prof who screwed my life in summer Molecular Biology
is NOW BACK in teaching GENETICS in WINTER TERM.. and Molecular in FALL term..
OMFG... FARK!!!
T__T
so touched
I thought I would never see her again in my whole farking uni life..
and now... TADAA ... Here she is again teaching me the HARDEST COURSE in BIOLOGY.. GENETICS..!!
T__T
I m so touched now... I feel like crying...
T__T
Why must this prof always teach HARD-CORE BIOLOGY?!
T__T
T__T

If u want to know how she screwed up my "always happily loving Biology" life back in sunshine summer time. .. haha... read my previous posts... u will know why I m so touched till want to cry... T__T
guess my uni life in next winter will be an UNFORGETTABLE one..

To those who are doing molecular biology in this upcoming Fall term.. LUCKY SHIT I TOOK HER MOLECULAR BIO in summer... T__T ... u all will need to face her for two terms.. LOL...
Oooo... I m just so touched now.. T__T
Why must the uni let her teach GENETICS..??!! T__T
HER MCQ QUESTIONS... O FARK... just thinking about it.. I feel like crying now.. T__T
HER STRUCTURAL QUESTIONS... O FARK... when doing the paper.. u will have hot tears in ur eyes.. T__T.. the paper.. is just so.. T__T *sobs...


SHIT!! SHIT!!! NEVER A PROF IN UNIVERSITY TEACH TWO DIFFERENT COURSES IN ONE ACADEMIC YEAR... T__T THis prof seriously broke the record.. Molecular Biology and Genetics.. LOL
I think I know why.. the uni likes her.. coz she pull up the standard by setting hard like hard shit..hard core paper... (the class average for summer term.. mind that.. it is 50%... xD ) just to let u guys know HOW shit IT can Be..) T__T

Hope she will make her paper easier this term... pray hard people... pray hard.. we need divine intervention for this upcoming year... T__T
T__T I will cry whole night today... T__T Arghh....!

I still remember what she told us in class back then... T__T the words still lingering in my brain..
"MCQ questions are my specialization... Read carefully before answering... Answer what the question is asking.. not what u think is being asked..."
T__T
Her MCQ questions.. Is... T__T INDESCRIBABLE..

Let say u have 100 questions... the first 50 questions u thought u did them correctly.. but when u did the other 50.. u will start doubting whether u have answered the first 50 correctly or not..
T__T
that is what I m saying... SHE IS THE MASTER IN MCQ questions... confusing u.. doubt whether u have done ur best in answering.. she is a witch.. T__T
T__T


T__T ... <-- this is the only expression I can present here today... crying inside out.. heart..lungs... T__T WHY?!?! WHY?!?! Genetics man.. COME ON..!! NOT HER..!! T__T


When u have determined to strive ur best again... ya... here it comes.. more and more shit to let u strive ur best and prove urself even harder... T__T
Why must u make my life upside down...then in and out u turned it over? T__T

FML!!! <--- Do not get me wrong... FML = For My Love in Biology..!!
I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP .. NEVER GIVE IN..!!
T__T What a touching... shocking...dynamic...mesmerizing...day I have... today is just a day..
upcoming term.. it will be EVERY DAY...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It only takes u 3 seconds in the world to realize that u r a total failure urself...
I have not been doing my best all this while...
Is this the best that u can do? Michael...then u r a total failure..
maybe this really is the best that I could do...just that I couldn't accept it...


Needed someone to talk to.. but at the end.. found only me is there for myself...


It is no time to reflect on urself anymore.. u have reflected so many times.. but still u give shit to urself.. FACE THAT!!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

En__RoLL n' Rock !!

This always happens during course enrolment days..
lol.. I m not saying everyone sticking their ass to the chair and gluing on the monitors and waiting for their course enrolment start time... xD
although that sounds kinda ridiculous.. but ya..that is a fact.. hahaha

what I m telling here is...
everyone..everyone.. including me.. always has this feeling or mindset.. that...
"OMFG... my timetable looks so loose... I think I am doing not enough .. Shall I do more courses?"
hahaha.... or something similar to that... ya..actually.. doing more is better.. coz u see..20 credits for 4 years is farking alot.. considering that some courses are only half credits.. lol...
u looked through ur timetable.. and.. "ya.. I can still add some courses into.. xD "
then u search through the list of courses... (forgetting that I m having 4 bios and 3 chems... that is going to be WAH... SO SYOK!!)

And then.. u started considering courses like... Earth science..? Environment? History of religion? (Again..??.. NO WAY~~!!) .. Drama acting? LOL ... Philosophy? French? Italian? Spanish? Japanese? Theater studies? Economics? ...... the list goes on... till someone saw this.. Theory of SEXUALITY..?! O__O sounds interesting... lol... but level 400 course... u will get hell of a time if u do that.. sex is rough..sorry tough i said.. xD (I mean gender studies.. =__= )


ya.. so there goes my day of course enrolment.. hahaha.... all went to waiting list.. xD
life is always about waiting eh.. ~
u do ... u wait... then u do again.. and u wait... hahaha
u can't always do and do and do and do and do and do.... u will die.. hahaha
u must wait.. then do .. wait then do again.. lol....
ya.. I m tying to say that.. we all just need a break sometimes eh? xD and of course not forgetting.. u have to give people around u a break too.. we all enjoy freedom.. lol..
(can't blame me.. I m having troubles conveying my thoughts nowadays...)
that day.. I was telling this restaurant that I want chicken with black pepper sauce.. and she heard beef with black pepper sauce..? =__= Does chicken sounds like beef? hahaha
ya.. if u consider from the biology view..that all are distant ancestors.. and blah..blah..blah... hahaha... I can give her an hour lecture if she really gave me beef... lol


my mom was telling me this news about new fleas from dogs that causes viral infection to the brain? after she knew I had a headache.. =__= hahah....
Looks like.. IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF THE DOGS (long time didn't see blood hiek hiek)... hahaha..... wait till I found the cut from the news online.. PRint it out.. and Throw it on the landlady's face!! lol....
Hang on Dogs! U will be out of this house so soon... lol....
ya.. I have memory failure these days... someone asked where I stay the other day.. and I forgot my home address... hahaha...... I M SERIOUS!! (This is not something to make my blog reading funnier... =__= ) ... I suddenly forgot the street's name.. T__T took some time to recall that it starts with Ib_____
xP u think I m gonna write it here?! =__= for security purposes.. nah... hahah.... I have one..two.. three...four..five...six.hmm...seven... Ya.. seven lives on my hand... lol


ya.. just hope that I will not forget u ... xD slowly forgetting tho.. hahaha....


Ok.. Ciao..! research paper coming up soon..FML .. -->For My Love in history..



-Chill people!- keys off..

Monday, July 12, 2010

Everyone Loves Paul..

Paul the Octopus has been a very hot issue around the globe these days...

Well... u dun need me to tell here what he has done... hahaha.... everyone knows him..
it will be a long list of the good deeds he had done... from Germany to England to Spain.. xD

I just have two questions in mind now...
What if we have an octopus like that as our pet?
Wow! That must be awesome eh?
An octopus telling u your future.. xD he predicts everything for u..so u can get ahead what may happen... example if u confess to someone u like..then the answer is "yes" or "no" .. haha.. he may as well tell u.. xD it is better to get disappointed by an octopus than... hahaha......wtf

lol.. but nah.. not me.. I will not let an octopus telling me what to do...

Second question..
Is every octopus in the world same as Paul?
Maybe every octopus can predicts a erm.. soccer match result... ok.. maybe not every octopus...just Most of them might have this ability..
ya.. so.. Just go on .. catch an Octopus..and asked it the FIFA 2010 results that their brother Paul predicted.. see whether they knew what their brother Paul has done... xD LOL.. Poseidon might have a TV in his undersea palace...

so.. PEOPLE!! STOP EATING OCTOPUS FROM TODAY!!
Octopus sounds like "On-Top-of-Us" hahaha.........
Eerie... imagine an octopus on top of u and try to squeeze u to death with its eight tentacles.. wtf.. worst nightmare.. xD


Believe me.. to those that didn't study Biology.. trust us.. Octopus is a highly intelligent creature.. u dun want to know how they catch their preys with the camouflage stuff and all the beyond imagination shit..

Now.. Paul has shown u what an octopus can do... hahaha..... so.. Cherish ur life people! before octopus'es take over the planet Earth...! hahahaha


Chill..~ Keys off.. x)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Looks like I somehow still bearing the heat wave.. 43 degree celsius today... OMFG..

Landlady:" Michael.. u have to discuss with Vishaek (the other housemate) to clean the bathroom.. it is so dirty.. the showering area..blah..blah..blah..."
U see... the weather has been so so so hot hot hot these couple of days.. 40 degree to 45 degree celsius ... and this guy is working till evening everyday.. at the end.. it will only be me cleaning the bathroom... with no bloody air conditioning... U THINK I M A BLOODY DUMB ASS?! U want me to locked in the bathroom and clean the whole shit?! FARK U!! Even my room is burning like hell... the bathroom even like hell-est.. u shower and sweat together in the bathroom... INSANE SHIT
In ur dream I m going to clean it... u promise us air conditioning for summer heat... NO SINGLE SHIT FROM THAT U HAVE DONE... now U WANT ME TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM IN A SO FARKING HOT 45 degree celsius weather? *middle finger... oOo oOo who is gonna pay for my medical fees if I fainted during the cleaning in such a hot hot hot temperature? WAIT TILL WINTER only I will consider cleaning the bathroom.. u silly bitch!!!


sometimes... things that u chose ... people dun like and they somehow blamed u...and wanted to blame u more and made u felt bad.. u think I want this to happen?! u forgot we were in deep shit and had no direction that time? this was .. ya.. a rash decision... yaya.. my bad... fark..

When things went wrong... ya.. everyone feels bad...everyone wants to find a way to escape... ok..that is fine...

Attachment --> Dissatisfactory --> Suffering ....
I m going to take the middle way... neither any extreme side.. not gonna blame anyone...not gonna hate anyone...not gonna say anything... and not gonna think about things that have not been done... all these will only make me feel worse...

=) release the negative thoughts and feels the calmness in ur mind... hahah.... meditation.. Woohoo... A heat stress like this...needs cool meditation...and of course a fan that is facing u... xD


Cheers people! hahaha.......

Do not compare... it will only make u feel bad..coz u always compare with the best and u will feel cheated... unless u compare with the poor..then u will feel fortunate...

Do not hate... it comes from and leads to anger... anger leads to suffering urself..


A table is a table only when everything from it joined and form a table...
If there is a table..then the screws must have the "tableness" rite? If u take out the screws from the table...are the screws the table? No..
If there is a table..then the woods must have the "tableness" rite?
So when u take the woods out from the table .. are the woods the table? No..
If u take the metals out from the table.. are the metals the table? No..
so.. what is it that is a table?
If u take everything out from the table...from screws to woods.. to metals...etc.. at the end.. it will be left with nothing... so after the breaking down part..where is the table?

Nothing is everything... and everything is nothing... =)

If everything is a big deal.. then what is it with nothing is a big deal?
Let say nothing is a big deal... do u think everything is still a big deal?

Cheers!
Deep stuff eh? ya.. digest it slowly.. lol...

Dun cry over stuff that we dun have and will not get... cherish stuff that we have now.. and appreciate them before they are gone... =)


Dun say this post of mine is too deep.. or piece of crap.. partly of it is due to the heat stress.. and partly of it .. I realize... heat stress or no heat stress... it is still a matter of matter or non matter..


keys off... =D

Monday, July 5, 2010

Probably this will be my last blog update of the week..or maybe the month.. just in case I dun survive the EXTREME SUMMER HEAT...

Now .. I knew what it feels like to be in an oven like a marinated chicken...
the temperature today is 35+ degree celsius.. almost same like M'sia... but just for ur info.. summer sky is clear blue.. all the heat.. like OMFG...
and I only have a small table fan in my room... no air conditioning...
ya.. u can imagine in ur small pity tiny brain how it feels like.. lol
Here I shower... there I sweat again....
Shower...Sweat...Shower...Sweat... FARK!

To my celaka landlady... I promise u... ur water bill will rise beautifully this month... xD
If u want to know how summer feels like... I can tell u..
Everything in ur room feels warm.. ur study table feels warm.. ur bed..feels warm...when u lie down.. u sweat like fark...


I promise... this coming winter I will not complain how cold it is... because... COLD IS DEFINITELY BETTER THAN HOT!!!!! COLD = No sweat...u can sleep peacefully with ur comforter..heater.. and everything... HOT=u sweat like fark...and u cannot even sleep at night...!!! Please!! I have class everyday...


T__T what have I done to deserve a room that is burning like hell in summer..? aih..bad karma... (Intro to Buddhism the prof is a very good one... hahaha... one of the best!!) hahaha...


Please give me strength to survive in this extreme summer heat.... and please let me sleep soundly at night...without sweating... I know.. it is IMPOSSIBLE to not sweat now... unless it starts snowing tomorrow.. YEA!!! PLEASE SNOW..!! OO COME ON!! LET THE SNOW FALLS!!!!!

anyone knows anyway to keep ur body cool?

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Saturday... Hmm... 15 mintues before 4am.. let me update my blog for abit.. hahaha
coz.. maybe after this I m not updating for a long time...
first...due to ...ermm.... writing blog is not fun anymore...
second... my blog seems so dead nowadays...

Ok..
Brazil... lost today to Netherlands.. FRUST TILL MAX ... !!! Everything turned colorless today..
the list of things-to-do I made before this one week holiday is so different from the list of things I done in this one week holiday..

Thing to do: Watch A team... well...then after that I really didn't want to watch...-lazy-..
Thing done instead: Watched The Last Air Bender...(this movie is only suitable for kids below 12 years old.....LOL...) ya..only the scene where the sea rises is awesome... =__= Zzz

Thing to do: Go to gym to exercise at least...work out a bit...
Thing done instead: Did 30 push-ups in room and 20 sit-ups..till now.. failed miserably.. hahaha

Thing to do: Read Pirate's Latitude (new one) by Michael Crichton
Thing done instead: Re-read Rick Riordan's Olympian series..and his new book.. The Red Pyramid.. (not bad...)

Thing to do: Cook or have something more decent... at least not fried rice again...
Thing done instead: still fried rice...

Thing to do: Read manga.. Bleach..
Thing done instead: Reading Doraemon... (Hey! come on.. Doraemon is still better...)

Thing to do: Buy soft drinks to put in fridge so this summer.. at least I have something cold to drink other than tap water...
Thing done instead: still tap water...everyday...

Thing to do: level up in facebook game "My Empire" ...
Thing done instead: still haven't finish building the Sphinx and Pyramid.. WTF

Thing to do: Find something cooler to do... like erm... maybe something interesting...
Thing done instead: Everyday doing the same shit...for one week... (Holidays = holy shit...) ... at least I had enough rest.. WooHoo..

Yeah guys.. it is just one week holiday.. what new things u expected me to do... hahaha....

Last Saturday.. "Yeah! finally a break!!"
Last Sunday.. "Oo... I have voluntary work today.. at least whole day gone.."
This Monday... "Yeah.. this week can sleep a lot..till very late...and chill out.."
This Tuesday... "Yeah! Finally can read manga.... it is so hot outside today..."
This Wednesday... "Jeez..why today so cold outside... ok.. read novels.."
This Thursday... "O__O Wow! It is already Thursday..."
Yesterday... "Hmm... took whole day to think what should I do with today..." (whole day gone..)
Today... "Freak... the day after tomorrow summer class second term starts... T__T"

Yea... above was my diary for this one week holidays... hahahaha.......
at least... finally.. I got a rest... =D without doing any shit... dun have to think any shit... dun have to rush any shit... xD Cheers!!


Actually... holidays...simply just let u rest ... dun need to do anything.. chill out... shut down ur mind.. and of course.. read Doraemon.... LOL.....
or either u can do it the other way...
Do everything (from A to Z..) .. read up ur left out course materials...(eg. protein sorting... xD ) ... make ur mind work like Intel i7 processor...and of course.. read Biology textbook... LOL...
I prefer the former one.. xD

Yeah... later (Saturday)... go gym..! and watch FIFA Germany vs Argentina.. and Spain vs Paraguay.. the former is just an empty promise I always made to myself.. xD
Anyway I just want to keep myself healthy and refreshed by exercising a little... not like I want to get muscles or wad (btw..I ady had... hahahaha..... shit u! syok sendiri.. =__= ) hahahaha
and of course.. paid so much fees for the campus gym.. of course must use once in a while.. xD
somemore.. best campus gym in Toronto... hahahaha


Ok.. Ciao! Keys off! xD (*Yawn.. watching two person cooking during midnight is just tiring...lol..)