Blank post...

I felt blank...



















I am seriously feeling blank now....

赶路。。。

我真的需要一个可以激起我这已经疲累的心。

一样可以鼓励和激发我继续往前冲的东西。

因我真的很累了。。 

请问我可以停下来歇一歇才继续赶路吗？

希望这两个月的路程我能够坚强得走下去。。。

一点点的领悟。。。

突然觉得很累，

有时我们以为自己可以很坚强，

但事实上并不是如此。

是时候放手了，

因你不可能会知道我的感受，

曾告诉自己该放下了，

但内心深处却在挣扎，

是自己太执着吗，

还是心太软放不下。

人与人之间的关系就是

如般复杂，

真真假假很难以肉眼辨别。

就连自己是否已真心对待大家

也很难自己分辨。

真假要用心眼去看通

但世界的步伐实在太快了，

每个人都学会

戴上华丽的面具。

那只能靠

路遥知马力，日久见人心。

有时候很想放慢脚步，

停一停，看一看，听一听，去体会一下

但时间就是不允许。。。

究竟自己的那颗心

是硬的或是软的？

是冷得还是热的？

是正的或是邪的？

是恶的还是善的？

我至今都不知道。。

多么希望可以在这娑婆世界里，

寻找回自己真正的那颗心。。。

心念和生命就在呼吸那一瞬间，

心念就是生命，

它扮演了很重要的角色。

Am I........

Am I

































Tired?












YEs..perhaps...









I just have this kind of weird feelings.. and I don't know what the hell is it...



and I am not going nuts okay...







and maybe Yes.. but I didn't touch or eaten any nuts this week..


perhaps this is the reason I am going nuts...

Guys.. Please Stop!

Ok.. I break my promise for updating once a week.. But I really have to tell u guys this..

There are two types of people who can score well in IELTS.. One of them is those that are lucky.. I do not mean to offend anyone here... But I am the lucky one.. I admit I am not good in English and I strongly believe that you guys know that too..

We still have a long journey to go.. Congratz to those that did well.. and I believe everyone will do well too... I do not dare to say that I will succeed in everything by judging my current situation.. For those that understand me well enough, they will know what the hell I am talking here.. I still have to work hard...

So, guys.. Please stop it! One whole day of teasing me is enough...
I am not trying to put my aim high.. but I really don't want to fail my parent's and friend's hope on me... that's all..


My ambition had been put down and ruined.. I do not want this only hope of mine to be destroyed as well.... Then, I am really a failure..

Back to How It Was..

Ok.. So, tomorrow everything will back to how it was..back to normal... Same hectic schedule.. never ending things to do... 

Morning.. Boring LAN subject.. Malaysian Studies.. Wonder how my Moral result is.. I am looking forward for tomorrow Malaysian Studies class... haha...... Mr. Thong promised it will be 10 times more interesting than Moral class.. LOL... We shall see... 

Calculus.. Struggling.. Ms Foo.. said our mark will drop after mid term.. So, I will struggle.. 

Physics.. Struggling..nearly drown.. Again, all those none-up-to human understanding theories..

ENG 4U.. Struggling.. drown.. Endless assignments.. Next unit Shakespeare..Hamlet.. We shall see how it will turn out..

After class.. nine o'clock plan.. Don't ask me why must I stay till nine everyday.. because there are computers in library.. and I like the nine o'clock bus.. haha.....

Hope after this I can do my best in everything.. 加油!! Be positive..I shall...

Yoda:"May the Force be with you.." hahaha........ (He is just an old green ugly "monkey" walking around with his green light sabre...Does he really know what Force is..) 

Newton:"Michael, you shall sit under the apple tree...You will know what it is Physics there..."

(Malaysia has no apple tree.. I shall do that once I stepped my foot on the land of Canada..)

Tell you one interesting yet not so interesting thing happened today.. haha... I Accidentally stepped on 2 snails..(The crushing sound under my slipper is unforgettable..) Erm.. the snails were.... racing.. I guess.. Seeing who is faster.. but too bad.. both never reach the finishing line... 

Hey.. I buried them ok..(Near the drain..) It is not funny... but hahaha...... two snails trying to race.. 

Ok la.. I will back to my plan after today.. Update my blog once a week... Maybe twice a month.. I know my die hard fan will be sad to hear that.. hahaha........Perasan gila.. 

That's all.. Good luck to all of you in your endeavours.. 

Something slightly Different today...

I realised I have been writing a lot of negative things lately... hahaha.........

So, today I am going to write something slightly slightly different which I saw no one wrote about it. Maybe it is me who want to write it early.. hahaha.......

In about 24 hours..our last break for ICPU will end.. Let say..we have two months left till our graduation... hmm... it is indeed very fast.. TWO months left.. After two months.. I hope everyone will be able to fly in September.. It is what we all wish and dream since the moment we step into Taylor's right? haha..... 

So, after two months.. We will all head into different direction again.. Pursuing our very own dreams and ambition... I can tell you..One year is very short.. After these two months.. the friends we met since the first day in Taylor's..perhaps will be in different university from us.. haha.... The new batch of scholars will take over our unit in Castle Subang.. Everything is just like a cycle.. The old one went..the new one came..haha.. sounds weird..

What I had experienced in these 9 months is great and memorable.. I met friends from different corner of Malaysia..different course (business, science, engineering..)..but everyone has the same dream..I believe..haha... I have the experience of sharing a house with 6 other guys.. haha.... Each has great and unique personality.. haha.... Met many friends including those who are willing to stay until nine o'clock with me at library and eventually become close friends..hahaha..... 

I will keep some to write after we graduate.. haha.... but now just want to wish everyone ALL the Best and Good Luck... 

Let us strive for the best in these two months..!  

.........

Just now I realised.. "The greater one had obtained.. the less satisfied he/she would be.." 

This is greed...

but it doesn't mean I am greedy.. I just want to have my marks in ICPU to be increased to all over 90 for second sememster..

Doing great in other things doesn't mean anything to me if my ICPU grades are like SHIT!! Don't tell me your marks are like shit if you got over 85 and still complaining you are not doing good to get 90.. If you get over 90..don't complain!!! 

Try having the feeling of getting none of the subjects over 90%.. and your average are just at the border.. then you would start feeling worry and  your life become miserable..

I am just writing out my feeling here.. Please ignore me.. 

Ok.. Back to work.. Haih.. No matter how hard I work.. the results are still the same... All at the border... MAybe that is the definition of stupid... 

........

Tomorrow the IELTS results for those who sat for the exam on 7th March will be announced...

Wish all of you BEst of Luck... Plus, not forgetting those who are going to take their results Next Friday...Good Luck too..

HAih.. In a very terrible mood today...

First, I broke a promise... Really Sorry.. But I really have far too many assigments and homework to be complete.. By the way, I am afraid after getting the results tomorrow..In case it is not so good then I will experience mood swing...and it will ruin the video.. and I didn't practise well and sufficient for the pieces... What if you perform a solo piece for her..It will be far more better..right? Haih... Breaking a promise is damn suffering... Really Sorry...

Haih...

Second, having immense anxiety.. To be exact, this feeling of anxiety is worse than the time getting SPM result... 

I have learnt that," When one is in great anxiety, no one..neither one's family nor his/her friends can truly understand... IT is just within yourself.. Only you can understand it better..."

HAih.. Time just passed so fast.. There is no chances nor space for me to grab and hold on to anything... Everything just Whoosh...then it is gone and I will be waiting in anxiety.. and the results normally turn out to be bad for me..

Third, after this holidays,  will I able to pull up my marks? Haih...A  big challenge for me.. Will Canadian Universities offer me an early admissions based on my mid term results?...I wonder..

Am I being Pessimist here? and worrying senselessly??? Perhaps ya... HAve to stop worrying now before I go to bed today...

I know.. often I am projected as a weak person..and can't control my emotion well... really..I have tried very hard and am struggling to do better... but sometimes this feeling of anxiety just strike and again I become Emo... Perhaps.. until now I still can't find a suitable person to speak out my thoughts and feelings.. Blogging is my only channel to put everything into words.. 

So, bear with me...

Have to go back to my Pride and Prejudice essay.... Hope I am like those upper class people.. No worries..What the hell on earth did they worry? Marriage! Status and Wealth! DAmn! Did u notice? They did not write a single damn thing about work... All they wrote are big houses..money..women...pride..status... 

Piano + 平旦漫画

Middle C..

Two things which I enjoy during these few days of break... Ping Dan comic hahaha....... Share a few here with you all...haha.......

Below ones will be 100 times nicer if you could read them in Hokkien but if you dunno any hokkien.. Never mind, there are translation... hahaha......

Third day of break..

Ok..so today I went back to Victoria Institution.. haha.... Felt great to meet all the juniors again.. They have grown so tall and muscular.. haha....they are totally different from 2 years ago.. 

Here are some photos of my school's field.. Believe or not, this field can accomodate 4 football fields.. (click to enlarge the photos...) Just look at the ratio of student and the field.. I can't even fit the whole field into my phone camera.. haha..... Great to have a large field.. 

The Giants play at this field...

The hundred meter track at the side of the field...

I reached school around 11a.m... So, got "scolded" by Tze Jun because I told him 10a.m... haha.... Hey. I had to take bus.. then interchange LRT.. Somemore the VIOBA gate was closed and I don't want to climb the wall...If last time.. sure panjat ady la... Now old ady.. So, I had to turn around to the main gate.. WALAO.. You know la.. from the back to front is so far.. School has a very big compound... Somemore under hot sun..  You thought military training?! 

Ok.. Then asked by the guard,"Dik, buat apa kat sini?" okok... I lied.. I said,"oO.. Saya ingin tengok keputusan SPM saya.." What the hell..such a lame lie... haha....Then he wanted to ask more..but I straight went into the school compound.. WHO CARES?! 

Kemudian, I went to RC room.. Saw the NCO's and members having meeting.. regarding the performance during training for Automatic Drill and Marching competition next month... OMG.. The NCO's shouted like girls.. Last time.. my batch..bila shout..bilik bergegar.... haha..... and various things will be flying towards the juniors..from pens to rugby balls... haha..... Violence.. 

Haih.. Really have no comments on the new generation of NCOs.. Can't intefere with their meeting because we ady retired for 2 years!.. 

Next.. really cannot tahan.. Tze Jun and me went to play the piano in school hall... haha.... They have a movie shooting using our school hall.. Heard it was a Bollywood movie... haha.....

After playing the piano.. met our super junior, Chin Hong.. He took his SPM last year..and got 10 A1's... He can drive now.. So, both of us asked him to drive us to Time Square.. #@%^&*^&% He said he is going to tuition for STPM.. therefore he dropped us near Central Market somewhere near his tuition centre... WALAO.. From there to TS is futher.. Chin Hong..You better watch out.. U will get it from me next time.. 

So, we watched Dragonball in GSC (the movie quite sucks..) After that, I bought my second CPT novel... So.. had a great time today..and yeah.. I am going out again this Friday to complete a video.. Thanks to TJ..

I know this post contains a lot of grammatical errors.. but please bear with me.. i m rushing to have my dinner.. haha...... and the field doesn't look so big afterall but you really should see it yourself... 

Holidays...

Yeah!!! Happy Holidays to everyone!!

Enjoy this holidays!! Have fun!

I am going to have some adventure this holidays... I like adventures... Camping.. Jungle trekking.. Mountain climbing..(Not mountain ok.. Malaysia mana ada banyak gunung tinggi..bukit adalah..) haha...... Other than finishing those assignments, I will have fun.. I don't care! I want outdoor activities!! Probably going to camping with friends near waterfall next week.. hahaha..... And most importantly.. physical training every morning...

Ok, Some of the Things I am going to do during this short break:

1.) Finish assignments..(Too many.. can't write everything here) and study Physics! (Very low marks..have to work hard..I will stop being a pessimist and start being optimistic!!)

2.) Learn to play some piano pieces.. (Viva La Vida by Coldplay & What I've Done by Linkin PArk) haha......

3.) Help my bro to play a piano piece which require four hands...haha.....2 players.. He wants to hmm..... haha....... TZE JUN! U BETTER DON't WASTE THE VIDEO TAKEN!! BETTER SUCCEED IN.......haha.......

4.) Change myself..

Ok, In terms to change myself.. I need my friend's evaluation.. Please answer the questions below honestly.... I really have to change my attitudes towards things..

1.) Am I always being too sensitive and emo? haha..... I guess yes..

2.) Am I always being sarcastic and pessimist? hmm... I guess yes too..

3.) Am I being too mean to my friends? haha...

I once heard a saying.."A great person will not show his emotion in front of the people around him... Although he is angry, sad or frustrated.. He will keep it within himself.. He will only show happiness and confidence in order to make the people around him happy, have confidence in him and not worry about him." 

Actually this is told by my uncle.. He is indeed very successful in life.. 

So, I guess I have a lot to do during this "long" week... WEEK means something different for a Victorian...haha...... It is to prepare you to face further challenges..!! 

ONCE A VICTORIAN, ALWAYS A VICTORIAN...! BE YET WISER!!! 

SCHOLAR, GENTLEMAN, SPORTSMAN!!

VICTORIA INSTITUTION RULES!!

Hoping and Learning...

IELTS.. I pray that I will be able to get band 6.5.. Please give me the band.. "The band doesn't look nice on your hand! Give it to me!"  I don't want less than that but if you are not reluctant to give me more than 6.5, it is fine with me...

ENGLISH 4U.. I love you so much as I really couldn't believe the mark I got when David announced it to me at 12:35 this afternoon... 79%.. Could't you just give me the one mark to make it nicer??? Never mind, I will hold on to what he had said, I definitiely can do better than that.. (But the problem is.. I never read Pride and Prejudice.. DIE)

CALCULUS.. I hope I can maintain the marks I have now and hopefully can make it higher.. Miss Foo told me, my communication is very weak and have the lowest mark among the four criteria.. Ok, I will ask more questions in class next time.. Be prepared for that.. I will ask questions like Mr. Adli..Super genius questions.. Really hope can make my grade higher.. to compensate other subjects.. Let say.. 98.. haha.... "STOP DREAMING MICHAEL! THAT IS A HORIZONTAL ASYMPTOTE WITHIN YOUR RANGE..!"

PHYSICS.. haih.. Don't mention it.. Just hope I can get the theories and physics principles into my brain.. Hope I can understand the principles quickly and pay 101% attention in class.. But it is too late...the mid term will judge my life and death.. Ok.. 我豁出去.... Let it be.. 

Seems like I have used a lot "Hope" in this passage.. have to hope less... Do it!! Don't hope so much, it is useless... 

I will restrain myself from updating my blog so often.. probably once a week from now on.. and slowly I will restsrain it to once a month then once a year.. haha...... probably I will stop learning how to blog and learn other things.. hahaha....... let say learns to draw.. hehe..... 

Raining again....

It is raining again outside... thunder and lightning...
I am stranded in the web this time not library... Settling Universities' documents..
Can't have dinner now..coz no umbrella... Used to keep reminding myself to bring a small umbrella but the word small makes me have no confidence in it...thus in the end, no umbrella at all in my bag...

Now is raining season.. Almost everyday rains... great.. just like my feeling right now.. Feeling miserable these days.. This week I am going to have my IELTS examination.. MOCK TEST last week, Writing component, I got band 5,5.. Reading Component: band 6, Listening: band 6, and Speaking: Don't want to mention about it....bad..
I seriously don't know what I am doing right now and what I was doing... Failure in everything.. Try to recall anything I had done which was a success.. NONE! Seriously, NONE!
First semester grades were like shit.. Grades for Mid term second semester also like shit...

I am not complaining here..I know something must be wrong with me.. My brain..my heart..or maybe my consciousness... I am just trying to write whatever I am feeling right now in this post but I am feeling EMPTY.. However, writing something makes me feel slightly better.. Don't ask me "Are you ok?".. I am definitely OK because I am not KO yet...


Keep telling myself "Work Hard!" but telling myself to do it and doing it myself are two different things..because I think I am not working hard enough..

Therefore, I may stop learning how to blog these few days and try to learn how to study... Wish I can resist the temptations to login to blogger and write something foolish to avoid myself becoming a laughing stock..

Am I a disgrace in the morality of mankind? Had been thinking this during the weekends, and the answer to myself is YES..